How I kept Losing myself to finally gaining myself back and keeping it that way

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I’m sure a lot of people can relate…

In out through my life, I have lost myself, and gained myself back again. Meaning, I have gave up so many times, then i started to be myself again but better.

I definitely didn’t know why, but i do know a lot of millennials, mid 20’s, and late 20’s, go through different changes. Which i can say that can be part of my transition because i am 28.

A lot of women go through a lot of ” Hormonal imbalances”. Which can affect us mentally, and we begin to have mood swings, and so much more. don’t want to get to personal about it. but my point is that, as a woman we go through so many changes, have to deal with so many personal things, and it’s stressful. BEYOND IT.

Dealing with mental health growing up, really had me losing myself. Not loving myself, not caring for myself, and just putting others before me. People use to ask me, “Why are you looking so angry?” and, i was definitely was intrigued by that question, because i didn’t know why people always ask that and i was always curious why. But i figured it out, I had an automatic mean mug smh….

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People said i never had a smile on myself, I always looked angry. And that isn’t good at all. I really started to realize that all around i am wasn’t happy, because people are actually seeing it in my facial expressions. But, truth be told, I didn’t mind it after a while. I was still angry.

I was disappointed within myself. One of the reasons why is because I didn’t graduate on time, not because i didn’t know the work, I just was so stuck into my feelings that i didn’t even knock out 15 credits. Don’t judge me, yes only 15 CREDITS!. That’s all i needed, and I let my pride get the best of me. So, I went to go finish, and I thought i was happy about it and i still wasn’t. I had a kid, and felt that i was to old, and I waited to long to go back. It’s sad that i was ungrateful instead of blessed. Close people around whispered, judged me, and talked about me behind my back because i didn’t graduate on time. And it’s the truth. I knew it, and yes it hurts badly. But, people knew deep down i had an gift, and that behind that angry face it’s a Smart Black Woman. I think people were intimidated by my strong attitude, and no matter how i feel about myself, I was always independent and knew what i was talking about. But i believe people mistaken me to be dumb, because of the “missing 15 credits.” People used that as a weapon against me. So when i decided to go back in finish i did it silently for my own happiness. I knew that this school issue was really one of my weaknesses and one of the reasons why i am not happy.

Dealing with the TOXIC. Toxic played a big part in my life. Arguing with family members, arguing & fighting with my significant other, down talking myself. All that is consider toxic. Not only that it’s toxic, It’s stressful. On top of that, I still was not happy. My level of happiness was up and down.

As I got older, I have realized that i was surrounded around people i shouldn’t surround myself with. I was dealing with people i had no business dealing with. People who do not support you, or want to see you win, is a red flag to NO GOOD! No i am not innocent but growing up remember when your parents always say “Two wrongs don’t make it right!” It’s the truth!

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It takes time to be the best version of yourself, so don’t give up fighting for your confidence. You are beautiful…..”

 

It’s hard to change being around a lot of people who is just like you but worst. And every time you want to change you are dealing with other people negativity, or it’s rubbing off on you. Sometimes you have to stop prolonging these relationships with friends & families or even with your partner, if it’s not bringing any happiness to your life.

I had to realize that life isn’t always suppose to be peaches & cream. At any moment in life you can lose everything, but how will you react to it? Continuously act out on everyone or be strong and move forward. Failure is not an option because it will happen, but you have to understand that.

I started to have insecurities. But that is something i kept to myself for a while. I never showed it, and felt no reason to. It wasn’t that I was insecure in my looks necessarily, but everything else about me I was disappointed in. Instead of complimenting myself I rather compliment others and make them feel good, I really don’t know why, but seeing other people happy always made me feel better. And I been that way for a while until I came to a realization that I need to focus on self-care & self-love. I had to stop loving others more then I loved myself.

When I finally found myself, and figured out who I am and what I want in life I went for it. I decided I wanted to become a blogger & entrepreneur and guess what? I made it happen. I might have ups & downs and things might not made it to where I want it to you, but it’s the principle that I am striving to be the best that I can be and reach my top goal.

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Even though I admit all the time, I LOST MYSELF. But, it’s always time to gain your self again. It’s okay if you fell off a little, but pick up where you left and keep going. Can’t no one interfere what you got going on, only if you let them, SO DON’T!

Moral of the story is, I made this blog to uplift and motivate others that you can go through the hardest time in your life and it’s okay. But, don’t let that become an habit. Just get up and work on you, better you, love you, support you, and keep being determined to achieve your goals. Use your past as a way out the hold on on your way to success.

YOU GOT THIS!!!!

 

 

SIXTEEN PAGES……

 

 

www.sixteenkisses.com

www.therule21.com

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